A pirate strolls into his favorite bar and the bartender says, "Whoa, dude, what happened to you?"
The pirate says, "What do you mean?"
The bartender says, "Well, for starters, you never used to have a peg leg."
"Oh, that," replies the pirate. "Well, you see, we had a sea battle and a cannon ball blew off my leg. But the ship's surgeon fixed me up with this peg leg and I'm as good as new."
"Well, what about the hook?" asks the barkeep.
"We had another sea battle and some guy lopped off my hand," the pirate explains, "but the ship's surgeon fixed me up with this hook and now I'm as good as new!"
"What about the eye patch?" asks the bartender.
"One day I was on the top mast keeping watch," says the pirate, "when an albatross flew over and pooped in my eye."
The bartender is incredulous. "You mean to tell me that bird poop will put out your eye?"
"Well," the pirate explained, "this happened shortly after I got the hook."